It has been 3 weeks since my failed attempt at the ironman, and there are 49 weeks until I get to try again. For the last 3 nights I've either failed to get a good night sleep or had a crazy dream of failing a second time. I'm not sure yet how to handle this feeling. I'm trying to think about upcoming races, distract myself with a night out on the town, watch something mindnumbing on the television, eat a package of oreos, play with my puppies, dance, climb, swim, run, ride, you name it I've probably tried it (except drugs) and I just can't stop thinking about how the race could have gone. I should have used the guys shirt as a temporary gauze wrap until I got to the medical tent. I should have just got back on the bike. I should have never been so close to the side. I should have refused the medic and kept going. I should stop watching all of the YouTube videos of the race. I shouldn't watch the NBC special that'll be on universal sports channel on 8/26. I shouldn't keep that ripped jersey from that day. I should figure out a way to deal with this for 49 weeks so I don't drive those closest to me crazier than I already am. I should... Go to bed! Sorry these are just my exact thoughts that are on a shuffle/repeat mode in my head. For now I know the best I can do is "If at first you don't succeed, tri, tri, tri again!"
342 days, 4 hours, 22 minutes...
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